Nov 30, 2012

Cataclysmic Death

There are many theories around the 2012 Shift. I’ve been practicing and devoting myself to those aligned with the Winter Solstice birthing us into the Fifth Dimension; an era of time when we move from the state of individual and economic focus, to one based on community collaboration and sustainable living with the Earth. 

It may sound all nice and fluffy, with butterflies and rainbows, and yes, there is some of that along the way, however, this galactic activation portal has its hosts of portal poundings too. Releasing attachments and preoccupations with being comfortable are hard deaths for the ego to be transformed by. Death is explored in many cultures and Rites of Passage, such as Vision Quests and Death Lodges, the 2012 Shift simply takes it to a cosmic level. 

As I deepen my attunement with principles of the 2012 Shift, I find myself exploring the “darker side”. I watched a video on YouTube that talks about the Pole Shift and the cataclysmic events that humans will perish from as a result. This is not the vision I want to hold, however, as I watched the video, I felt charge in my body, and tears form in my eyes. Rather then judge the content of the video as good/bad, wrong/right, I wanted to work with what was coming up for me, and know something deeper. 

So, I started a “Cataclysmic Death Meditation Practice”. For several days I meditated on the apocalyptic visions of 2012. The tales of Revelation; tidal waves wiping out coastlines, volcanos erupting like Vesuvius, killing mankind and animals alike, covering us in ash and returning us to the Earth. In my meditations I saw my friends and loved ones on the West Coast drown in the tidal waves of the ocean. I felt sadness seeing the massive loss of people I love die. Seeing them perish and still hold love in my heart, and still be present in the Witness, without pulling away from sadness or clinging to salvation, was a big shift in my personal evolution. 

Going deeper with my meditations, I see the rockies turning into massive volcanoes, erupting lava and blazing boulders, wiping out all of Colorado, and with it, all the people I know and love. I see me standing in front of the lava flow, with my cat in my arms. I feel fear as the lava rushes towards me. I feel the pain of my cats claws in my skin. I feel the sadness that she and I are going to die. Feeling into all these sensations, and being being present in it all too. Even in my annihilation, as my bones turn to ash, I am present, conscious. In the expiernace of the now. Holey Moley. 

I’ve done Vision Quests and Death Lodges and have explored the theme of death on many levels. Never before have I contemplated death on such a large scale. My devotion to this practice has opened my heart so much, and I have more clarity in this continuous moment of eternity. 

What comes to me through this practice is the admittance and understanding that the Earth is going to take me out one day. That is fact. When and how, is unknown, but it will happen. So what I do between now and then? Years ago I may have said I would quit my job and travel the world in my last month of life, or maybe have some awesome sex, or spend time with loved ones. All these activities sound fine, however, now I know what I want to do between now and then, whenever then is. I want to be conscious; conscious in my body, in my feelings, in my ego, in my fears, in my heart, in my relationships, in my words, in my truth, in my thoughts, in my every experience of now. Whatever activities happen in that space are simply activities, consciousness is where life is. That is how I want to live my life between now and then. 

It’s this experience that I took out with me on the dance floor this week at Rhythm Sanctuary. What a dance! There was a moment on the dance floor, when we were all in trance, and I saw us all dancing at the base of the volcano; us in ecstatic dance and love as it prepared to destroy us. We were all conscious, and alive, and in the moment, no matter what. We were committed to being present for the ride, all of it. 

I had an amazing dance with a woman, who for me, was the erupting volcano. I pulled her to me and fucked the volcano. Those of you that know me, know I do not curse a lot, however, in this context it fits. I fucked the lava. I fucked the spewing rocks. I ravished my annihilation, and in doing so, I came alive. It was orgasmic!! 

We all need death in our life on some level. Death of old paradigms,  death of attachments and preoccupations. However, since many of us are afraid of the “big” death, we fail to attend to the smaller ones in our live that support us in truly living. How can you honor death in your life? What contemplations are scary for your ego, and how can you be present with that pain, and stay open in the conscious heart at the same time? Great exercise to explore as we move into the 1 month countdown towards Winter Solstice. I love you all and am honored to me on this glorious ride with you. Nameste. 

Aug 20, 2012

Corporate Name Change

SoulCollage card I created that
represents this aspect of my life.

Many of you are not aware that I work in corporate america. I have been at my "day job" as a Sales & Marketing manager at a software development company (FDS) for over 18 years. Following is the email I just sent the whole company about my name change....this was a big step for me. It will be interesting to see how my energy dynamics change in the work place as I bring more Raven Shree into this aspect of my life. 

Hello Everyone in FDS land,
Jenni  Holloway here in Denver, CO….but not for long.
No, I am not moving from Denver, however, I am changing my name.

Over the past 2 years of living in Colorado, I’ve deeply immersed myself in nature; going out almost every weekend; exploring and communing with the mountains, rivers, mammals, insects, skyscapes….it’s all so delicious. The deeper I dive into my eco-logical self, the more SoulFULL my personal journey of evolution takes me. This immersion into nature has taken me into a deepening sense of who I want to be, and has played a large role in my name change.  There are MANY stories and meanings I could share with you to highlight the hows and whys of my name change, but that would be a REALLY LONG EMAIL….so here is a summary.

Holloway: I have not been in relationship with my biological family for almost 25 years. I am no longer part of that clan and to continue claiming their name makes no soulfull sense. I have wanted to release this name for years….and now I am, legally. It feels wonderful.

Jenni:  This name has served me well for 40 years. I appreciate and honor all the friendships, experiences and lessons this identity has brought into my life. However, I have outgrown this moniker. It no longer fits who I am, or who I want to be.  Many of you have known me as Jenni for years, and calling me by a new name will be challenging at first (it surely was for me).  It will take time to switch, however at this point, the only people left in my life that call me “Jenni” are my relationships at FDS…so now it’s time to start changing that.  

Shree:  My new last name is Shree. In Sanskrit the word Shree means “the effervescent light of the Divine”.  Light, joy, inspiration, radiance; these are all aspects of my soul gift. By claiming this name, I am more fully stepping into a vibrant aspect of my being and what I am here to offer the world. By claiming this as my last name, I am claiming a new family; I now belong to the tribe of Lightworkers.  Powerful Stuff.

Raven: My new first name is Raven. It seemed so improbable at first. On the surface, I associated it with black hair and a goth look. However, I’ve been working with Raven Totem Medicine for over 5 years, and the deeper I go with it, the more I have come to understand that this is the new name to carry me forward.  Raven calls in magic and mystery, and is a powerful shapeshifter. Raven teaches me how to father myself and deepens my underworld journey of soul.  

So, yes, my new name is Raven Shree.  A powerful name that honors the dark and light, the yin and the yang. I love it!

I am in the process of changing my name legally. I’ve completed my FBI and CBI background checks and have a court appearance soon for final approval. Then I move on to changing my SSN and drivers license. Once that is in place, it will be time to change my name on FDS stuff, which will probably start happening in a couple months.

Changing ones complete name is an intense and amazing experience. Living the identity of Jenni Holloway served me well for almost 40 years. However, it is time for me to release the confines of my first adulthood, so I can step more fully into the second adulthood I am creating - one based more fully on authenticity and soul. This is a huge milestone in my life path and I am excited about what the future holds. Thanks for letting me share a piece of my story and life with you, and thanks for reading this email all the way through.

Starting tomorrow I will be on a week-long vacation celebrating the completion of my 40th year of life (another big milestone in my life).I will connect with you on the other side when I get back into the office on August 28th.

Many blessings to each and every one of you!
Ms. Raven Shree

Jul 16, 2012

Meeting My Mountain

Meeting My Mountain 
Over the past several months, my prayers have become ritual and ceremony, sometimes hours long. I pray with and to: the river, the mountains, the flesh of my community in ecstatic dance. I am coming to understand that ritual and sacred communion is a fundamental aspect of being Raven Shree. The more I claim this as part of my Soul Work, the greater the intensity and velocity of my Soul Journey becomes. 
About a month ago I was in the mountains praying in the river. Wild fires were raging throughout Colorado. Many people were praying for rain. We so wanted relief from the destruction happening throughout our communities. Standing on a mountain, in a river, I prayed for the rivers and streams to be arteries of respite for fleeing animals and soothing comfort for the heat-exhausted weary. Honoring the element of water with gratitude, humility and presence. I cried tears into the stream. Adding to the volume of safety I was praying for others, grieving to offer something of value to those who needed it.  
Shortly after this prayer-formance, in another section of forest, I saw an Entity. It happened so suddenly. It explored in front of my face. I saw it with my own eyes; tasted its grit in my mouth. The experience shook me; I had never experienced anything like that before. I contemplated this event for several days and came to understand that if I am going to pray big for the Light, I must also be able to stand up big to the Dark. It’s about balance. The deeper I go with claiming Raven Shree, the deeper I enter into both realms, both Light and Dark. Yin and Yang. 
Wowee - what a lesson. This experience on the mountain was part of my training, and I was ready to answer the call. The following weekend, I packed up my magical tools, knowing a bit more about what to expect, and set out, back to the mountain. This time alone, this time at night. I would spend the day playing in the Light, honoring the element of Shree, then descend into Dark as Raven and see what else I could learn from the Forest Entity. 

read about that adventure in the next post... 

Jun 25, 2012

Power Medicine is Afoot

This weekend, I saw a massive entity in the forest. He was huge and possessive. When I entered into the place of the land, I could feel the transition into the eerie and intense. I felt the power of this entity wanting to take possession inside of me. Powerful opportunity for me to engage my boundaries and power. 
Then I saw him, he was huge, the size of a basketball court. He exploded in front of me, like white, moving smoke. I felt the soot of his grim, slam against my body. It was intense. I circled the space, holding my power and awe of the force I was in relationship with. 
Upon completing my circle of the land, I moved out of the space, honoring the lesson of witnessing a real and intense force in this world; seeing it with my own eyes, touching its molecules with my awareness. Power medicine is afoot. 

Jun 14, 2012

Claiming my Flesh Signature

I recently got fingerprinted for my legal name change and what an amazing experience that turned out to be. Meditating on my fingertips before my appointment, realizing I am claiming these as Raven Shree, I came to deeply honor how my hands have become a vital part of my unique delivery system of soul to the world. Through touch, massage, and energetic attunement, my hands have become a powerful way for me to connect with others and be a conduit for spirit and consciousness.  
Diving deeper into connecting with my hands and attuning them to Raven Shree for my fingerprinting experience, I bless each fingertip as an extension of my heart wings. Claiming Raven as my first name puts me in the aviary realm of flight, deeper into the species of bird, into the element of air, which of course, governs the Heart Chakra. The deeper I go with claiming my new name, the deeper the medicine takes me on my soul journey. 
I massage each arm, blessing them as extensions of my heart wings, thanking them for the many flights of giving and receiving they have brought into my life; the countless hugs, the heavy loads lifted, the precious life forms embraced. What a blessing to have arms and hands, to be able to reach out with, and push away from; to take pictures with, to create art with, to move gracefully by my side as I walk this earth. 
Massaging my right wrist, I reflect on past traumas experienced with this arm in my childhood. Noticing how I labeled my right arm as my “bad arm” for most of my life, anchoring in pain and trauma, rather then the strength this arm has cultivated to overcome obstacles. Releasing definitions of weakness as I release my birth name, and claiming Strength and Fortitude as I claim Raven Shree. 
I have so much appreciation for my hands and fingers, and the connection to life they offer me and those I come into contact with. I bless each fingertip, knowing each one has a unique signature, one that I am claiming as the flesh signature of Raven Shree. 

Another step taken in claiming my new name...

SoulCollage Creation 

Jun 4, 2012

The Name Change Continues

When I was 17 my parents and I terminated our family connection. As part of this violent process they wanted me to change my last name. I considered this demand, however, the time and cost to change it would have been on me, and I did not feel they were worth it. I also had some spite and rage that said “No, you choose to have me, therefore, I will keep your last name till the day I die….and have it chiseled into my gravestone to be claimed forever.” 
Since this resolution, I’ve grown quite a bit (and I’ve had a lot of therapy too!). Many of you that follow my blog have read about the various ceremonial ways I've released the last name of Holloway. I no longer have connection to this name, and when I have to claim it in any way it feels uncomfortable - it no longer fits. 
Now that it’s time to change my name legally, I realize there is work I need to do to bring closure to the name of Jenni. I’ve have used this moniker for 40 years and have built quite a legacy around it. Many people know and love Jenni, and to see that name go, brings some people a sense of loss. I never considered this a by-product of my name change process, however, as I claim Raven Shree more fully, I’ve had friends express grief around losing Jenni; some with tears and some even requested a funeral so they can say their final good-byes. 
As I move further into the process of legally changing my name, I am taking time to sit with the legacy created by Jenni. She got me to this point and what a fine job she did. She forged through shadow with stoic resolution and lived a beautiful survival dance to make it in this world. Jenni was the heroine of my first adulthood, and for that I am forever thankful. Now, as I move through my mid-life transformation, and begin to take steps into my second adulthood, one more in line with my unique delivery system of soul, I claim Raven Shree. 
So, with each signage of paperwork required to do the legal stuff, and all the shifts that have to take place to step more fully into the mythopoeic identity being downloaded into me form the divine, I take sacred time to honor the past that lead me here, while also strengthening my commitment to the larger work being called to live through my eco-identity.  

May 30, 2012

Spring Cleaning

We are in the final weeks of Spring, and if you have not done so already, it's time to complete your Spring Cleaning! As we near the turn from the direction of East (Spring) to the direction of South (Summer), here are some ways you can invoke the medicine of the elements into your Spring Cleaning ritual.  
The first step is to clean your house like you normally would (put things away, wash dishes, take out trash, dust, etc). Once you get your home to a baseline level of clean, then its time to bring the magic of the elements into your home to support your intention setting for a powerful Summer Solstice. 
Earth: Salt represents the element of Earth and is a great tool for cleansing and activating spaces. Pour some Sea Salt in a sacred dish and bless it, thanking the earth for such a charged particle in manifest form. Sprinkle the salt on your floors, making sure to get in the corners too. You can play with various symbols of sacred geometry when sprinkling your salt, and can also chant or offer prayers for what you are releasing / charging. You don’t need to use a lot, just enough to sprinkle your intentions throughout the room for further activation in the next step (and yes, you can do this on hard wood floors too). 

Water: Once the Earth element is in place, now it's time to bring in the cleansing and activating element of Water. Put some water in a spray bottle and bless it, you can add aromatherapy too. Once the water has been blessed and filled with your prayers, spray the rooms you have salted. I usually start in one corner of the room and work my way around, spraying my plants, drapes, and floor. The goal is not to soak your room, but to activate the salt crystals with the water so the ions can do their thing. Once this step is complete, I leave the room and give it time to work, letting the mating of Earth and Water do their magic.
Once you complete the Earth and Water steps, then it’s time to vacuum. As you do this, you are vacuuming up any stagnant energies collected in the salt. When you are done, empty your vacuum bags and move on the next element.  
Fire: Now that your space is cleansed and activated it’s time to bring in the element of Fire. I typically use a small candle and inscribe my intention for that space into the wax with a pen. When I light the candle, I do so with the invocation that the flames of my intentions will infuse the room I am working in. Depending on the room you are powering up, you may have different intentions. In the bedroom you may want to invoke passion, romance or good sleep, whereas in the office you may to invoke healthy finances or a new career path. Once you light the candle, gaze into the flame and visualize your intentions being birthed. 
Air: Once the fire element has activated the room for a while, then it’s time to open your windows and invoke the element of Air. This lets the breeze of mystery into your space, and also carries your intentions out into the world on the wind so they can manifest in relational space.  
Once complete, get out of your house and go live your intentions! 
Blessings for an amazing summer. May you find many beautiful ways to ignite your soul purpose with grace and ease, and bring your spirit out into the world in only the way that you can. 

May 13, 2012

Fathering Myself

My definition of and relationship to “Father” has evolved so much over the past several years. From an overview perspective: the relationship I had with my biological father growing up was deeply wounding. My 20’s were spent numbing and rebelling against the pains of childhood, while my 30’s were spent thawing out and diving into the hurt so I could heal. My 40’s are starting out to be about the cultivation of authentic being and living in alignment with Soul Purpose. 

When I did Death Lodge in Death Valley 5 years ago, little did I know the course of my life was taking a deeply transformational turn. In Death Valley I was visited by Raven Man, who over the course of 4 years, flew circles and spirals through my chakras, cawing me into accountability at each tier of being. In essence Raven Man was fathering me to vibrate at my highest frequency one chakra at a time.  
Last year I had a powerful Death Lodge experience with my biological father, and in the completion of his death, was able to release his name from mine. In this space, I was able to claim my new name,  deepening my embodiment of Raven medicine and my own ability to father myself. 
I recently met a man in the Rhythm Sanctuary community that sparked my interest and curiosity. In getting to know him, I discovered that he is a father. And to be honest, he looks and acts like one (whatever that means). The fact that I met someone who sparks my interest is cool, however, what’s so poignant about my interaction with him is a shift that has occurred in me.   
In the past, when I thought of Father, I always thought of it from the child’s point of view, to be more specific, from a little girls point of view, and if you want to drill all the way down, to my specific experience with Father. In the past, when I saw a father walking down the street with his little girl, the first thought that would pass through my head was “I wonder what that father does with his little girl behind closed doors.”
As I worked with Raven medicine over the years, my thoughts and relationship with Father have shifted, and this new man in the community has been a beautiful mirror for me to see just how much. When I heard he was a father (and of course when I looked at his pictures on Facebook), I first and foremost thought about him, as a man, as a father. There was no story line attached to him based upon my past relationship with Father; it is no longer applicable. My thoughts about father are from the father perspective, and not the wounded little girl perspective. Talk about a powerful shift in consciousness. 

What I am learning is that I can see a truer reflection of other as I release my stories of the past. As I let go of old belief systems, I am more capable of creating an authentically true interaction with life in every moment, in every breath, and in every relationship. I am so grateful for this journey, and all the lessons and medicines ingested along the way. Maturing is a fun process when you don’t have as much "baggage" to carry with you along the way.