Power Medicine is Afoot

This weekend, I saw a massive entity in the forest. He was huge and possessive. When I entered into the place of the land, I could feel the transition into the eerie and intense. I felt the power of this entity wanting to take possession inside of me. Powerful opportunity for me to engage my boundaries and power. 

Then I saw him, he was huge, the size of a basketball court. He exploded in front of me, like white, moving smoke. I felt the soot of his grim, slam against my body. It was intense. I circled the space, holding my power and awe of the force I was in relationship with. 

Upon completing my circle of the land, I moved out of the space, honoring the lesson of witnessing a real and intense force in this world; seeing it with my own eyes, touching its molecules with my awareness. Power medicine is afoot. 

Claiming my Flesh Signature

I recently got fingerprinted for my legal name change and what an amazing experience that turned out to be. Meditating on my fingertips before my appointment, realizing I am claiming these as Raven Shree, I came to deeply honor how my hands have become a vital part of my unique delivery system of soul to the world. Through touch, massage, and energetic attunement, my hands have become a powerful way for me to connect with others and be a conduit for spirit and consciousness.  

Diving deeper into connecting with my hands and attuning them to Raven Shree for my fingerprinting experience, I bless each fingertip as an extension of my heart wings. Claiming Raven as my first name puts me in the aviary realm of flight, deeper into the species of bird, into the element of air, which of course, governs the Heart Chakra. The deeper I go with claiming my new name, the deeper the medicine takes me on my soul journey. 

I massage each arm, blessing them as extensions of my heart wings, thanking them for the many flights of giving and receiving they have brought into my life; the countless hugs, the heavy loads lifted, the precious life forms embraced. What a blessing to have arms and hands, to be able to reach out with, and push away from; to take pictures with, to create art with, to move gracefully by my side as I walk this earth. 

Massaging my right wrist, I reflect on past traumas experienced with this arm in my childhood. Noticing how I labeled my right arm as my “bad arm” for most of my life, anchoring in pain and trauma, rather then the strength this arm has cultivated to overcome obstacles. Releasing definitions of weakness as I release my birth name, and claiming Strength and Fortitude as I claim Raven Shree. 

I have so much appreciation for my hands and fingers, and the connection to life they offer me and those I come into contact with. I bless each fingertip, knowing each one has a unique signature, one that I am claiming as the flesh signature of Raven Shree. 

Another step taken in claiming my new name...

SoulCollage Creation 

The Name Change Continues

When I was 17 my parents and I terminated our family connection. As part of this violent process they wanted me to change my last name. I considered this demand, however, the time and cost to change it would have been on me, and I did not feel they were worth it. I also had some spite and rage that said “No, you choose to have me, therefore, I will keep your last name till the day I die….and have it chiseled into my gravestone to be claimed forever.” 

Since this resolution, I’ve grown quite a bit (and I’ve had a lot of therapy too!). Many of you that follow my blog have read about the various ceremonial ways I've released the last name of Holloway. I no longer have connection to this name, and when I have to claim it in any way it feels uncomfortable - it no longer fits. 

Now that it’s time to change my name legally, I realize there is work I need to do to bring closure to the name of Jenni. I’ve have used this moniker for 40 years and have built quite a legacy around it. Many people know and love Jenni, and to see that name go, brings some people a sense of loss. I never considered this a by-product of my name change process, however, as I claim Raven Shree more fully, I’ve had friends express grief around losing Jenni; some with tears and some even requested a funeral so they can say their final good-byes. 

As I move further into the process of legally changing my name, I am taking time to sit with the legacy created by Jenni. She got me to this point and what a fine job she did. She forged through shadow with stoic resolution and lived a beautiful survival dance to make it in this world. Jenni was the heroine of my first adulthood, and for that I am forever thankful. Now, as I move through my mid-life transformation, and begin to take steps into my second adulthood, one more in line with my unique delivery system of soul, I claim Raven Shree. 

So, with each signage of paperwork required to do the legal stuff, and all the shifts that have to take place to step more fully into the mythopoeic identity being downloaded into me form the divine, I take sacred time to honor the past that lead me here, while also strengthening my commitment to the larger work being called to live through my eco-identity.  

Fathering Myself

My definition of and relationship to “Father” has evolved so much over the past several years. From an overview perspective: the relationship I had with my biological father growing up was deeply wounding. My 20’s were spent numbing and rebelling against the pains of childhood, while my 30’s were spent thawing out and diving into the hurt so I could heal. My 40’s are starting out to be about the cultivation of authentic being and living in alignment with Soul Purpose. 

When I did Death Lodge in Death Valley 5 years ago, little did I know the course of my life was taking a deeply transformational turn. In Death Valley I was visited by Raven Man, who over the course of 4 years, flew circles and spirals through my chakras, cawing me into accountability at each tier of being. In essence Raven Man was fathering me to vibrate at my highest frequency one chakra at a time.  

Last year I had a powerful Death Lodge experience with my biological father, and in the completion of his death, was able to release his name from mine. In this space, I was able to claim my new name,  deepening my embodiment of Raven medicine and my own ability to father myself. 

I recently met a man in the Rhythm Sanctuary community that sparked my interest and curiosity. In getting to know him, I discovered that he is a father. And to be honest, he looks and acts like one (whatever that means). The fact that I met someone who sparks my interest is cool, however, what’s so poignant about my interaction with him is a shift that has occurred in me.   

In the past, when I thought of Father, I always thought of it from the child’s point of view, to be more specific, from a little girls point of view, and if you want to drill all the way down, to my specific experience with Father. In the past, when I saw a father walking down the street with his little girl, the first thought that would pass through my head was “I wonder what that father does with his little girl behind closed doors.”

As I worked with Raven medicine over the years, my thoughts and relationship with Father have shifted, and this new man in the community has been a beautiful mirror for me to see just how much. When I heard he was a father (and of course when I looked at his pictures on Facebook), I first and foremost thought about him, as a man, as a father. There was no story line attached to him based upon my past relationship with Father; it is no longer applicable. My thoughts about father are from the father perspective, and not the wounded little girl perspective. Talk about a powerful shift in consciousness. 


What I am learning is that I can see a truer reflection of other as I release my stories of the past. As I let go of old belief systems, I am more capable of creating an authentically true interaction with life in every moment, in every breath, and in every relationship. I am so grateful for this journey, and all the lessons and medicines ingested along the way. Maturing is a fun process when you don’t have as much "baggage" to carry with you along the way. 

Raven Medicine Download

On Winter Solstice 2008, 

I engaged in a 10 day Death Lodge process 

in Death Valley, CA. Little did I know, 

this ceremony was initiating my decent

 into the underworld of soul, 

an 8 year journey that would take me 

deep into my shadow wounds, 

and into the core of my being, 

renaming me in this process. 

Death Valley, CA 

During my Vision Quest in Death Valley, I was visited by Raven Man, 

an entity that entered my consciousness during medicine journey 

He cawed as he flew circles above me: 

“That which you want, you are not ready for. 
You are not vibrating at the frequency that will attract the energy you want. 
You are not ready.” 

“What do you mean I’m not ready? I’m spiritual. I teach workshops. Of course I’m ready.” But I knew Raven Man was right. I knew what my inner landscape was like. I knew the words I called myself, how I limited possibilities in my thoughts & inner dialogue, and how I was shut down by defense mechanisms against fuller living. I was not vibrating at the frequency of that which I wanted... and so my relationship with Raven Man began.

I took this medicine download and worked it rather diligently into my life. Over the course of a year, I worked it down into my Brow Chakra, witnessing patterns of thinking and imagining restrictive to my expansiveness. I channeled the medicine down into my Throat Chakra and worked the medicine into my inner dialogue, shifting the resonant vibration of my inner landscape. 

When I brought the medicine down into my Heart Chakra, I was again visited by Raven Man, this time in the form of a lucid dream. In the dream, I was walking along a strip mall. I looked to my left inside a shop, and through the plate glass window, saw Raven Man. This time he was not in the form of a bird, but in the form of a man. Our eyes locked. The power of the moment, and the gravity of our connection spooked me so much, I ran along the black asphalt of the parking lot and jumped into a frozen lake. Piercing the layer of thin ice, I plunged into the ice cold water, numbing myself. Raven Man came out of the store, pulled me from the frozen lake and cradled me in his arms, tending me back to warmth and life. I open my eyes. He walked away. I was still not ready. 

Oh my goodness! I’m still not ready! I've been working this medicine for 2 years! Are you serious! Committed to the process, I worked this energy down into my Solar Chakra, doing the work of aligning my actions and intentions with the power of my highest frequencies. In this process I found myself deep in conversation with Raven Man, his message was clear: “You are not going to meet me in San Diego. You need to move to the ecology of my species.” It was this message that planted the seed for my move from San Diego to Colorado. 

When I moved to Denver, I was instantly immersed in community that showed me a whole new definition of the masculine. I found myself surrounded by men, yummy juicy men, that were loving fathers, attentive lovers and joyful friends. These men owned their masculine energy and honored the feminine in sacred ways. This was a huge paradigm shift for me. This was not the model of masculine I grew up with. This new interaction with the masculine brought Raven Man energy down into my Sacral Chakra.  Dancing weekly in the sacred space of Rhythm Sanctuary enabled me to bring this medicine down into personal, embodied being...feeling it and being moved by it. 

Then winter came, my first one in Denver. I got consumed with living in snow and basement clearing that I forgot all about Raven Man. That is, until I bumped into a man soul that brought this energy back into my life full force. This interaction reignited Raven Man energy in my life, this time in flesh and blood right in front of me. I did not run into the frozen lake to numb myself, but rather stood my ground and claimed Raven Man energy in manifest Root Chakra form.   

This 3 year adventure of bringing the Divine Masculine down my Chakras in the form of Raven Man transformed me deeply. I came to see that I was Raven all along. Raven was not separate from me. It had been me all along, fathering myself through this transformation, mentoring my evolution. In this revelation, I merged with Raven and claimed it as my new name.   

Death Valley, CA. Image by Raven Shree 

Raven Man Introduction: Image by Raven Shree 

Eat. Pray. Love.

SoulCollage created by Raven Shree

The book “Eat. Pray. Love.” by Elizabeth Gilbert has had a powerful influence in my life. The
first time I read the book, I was inspired by the writing and the adventurous nature of the main character (Elizabeth). The second time I read the book, I was inspired to “get out of my marriage” to San Diego and move to Colorado. My third time interacting with this story line was through the movie starring Julia Roberts...and yet again, I was moved into deeper levels of self-awareness and the plot line of my own life. 

During the “Eat” portion of this adventure, the main character spends 4 months in Italy, with the sole intention of indulging in the pleasurable act of eating. During this time she is also separating herself from the pain of her past relationships, getting used to being alone, and also learning the sensual language of the new place she is living in. 

Having been in Denver for 8 months, I feel as if this is the stage I am moving through myself. Denver definitely has a new language of living, and it is quite sensual and pleasure based. As I explore this language, I am coming to deeper awareness around the theme of over-indulgence and how it influences various aspects of my life.   

In the second phase of this adventure, Elizabeth goes to India for 4 months to Pray. After months of indulgence in Italy, she finds it challenging to sit in silence and simply be with herself. I feel deep in my bones that I’m ready to move into my India stage. As I take steps towards creating this transition, I too am finding it difficult to sit in silence and be with myself. I’m easily distracted, I have a ton of excuses, and my mind is constantly on the go.   

One of the main turning points in India for Elizabeth is around the theme of forgiveness. As she deepens her daily practice of sitting with herself without all the distractions, she finds herself moving into deep stages of forgiveness, both for herself and others. This takes her into the peace she was searching for, and serves as a bridge for her transition her into the Bali stage of her adventure, where she ultimately finds love and happiness. 

As I deepen my daily practice, and sit in what bubbles up for me, without the over-indulgence of addictions and habits that numb me, I too will be able to open up to deeper levels of forgiveness, for others and myself. This is needed for me to move into my Bali stage, where I hope to enter into sacred union with other. Ultimately wanting a relationship that integrates the pleasures of Italy with the divinity of India into a merged union of Bali love and happiness. 

Thank you Elizabeth for having the courage to take this journey and for the inspiration to share your tale with others. Your book has inspired many people, myself included. I send blessings to everyone that you too can create sacred ways in your life to integrate pleasure, peace, and love in a way that enhances your life and all of those you come into contact with.  Lets keep inspiring one another. Nameste my friends. 

Why?

I recently celebrated my 3 month anniversary in my new home town of Denver, Colorado. Moving from San Diego to Denver had many people asking Why? For a lot of people, this did not seem like a logical move. To me it was a no-brainer. And while there were many feelings, desires, and events that lead to my final decision to move, here are a few of the important ones.

Space

In San Diego I lived in an 850 sq ft apartment. This space served me well for many years, however, I had outgrown it and was ready to live in a House with a Yard. Living in San Diego on a single income made this dream challenging to manifest, so I expanded the perimeter of what was possible in my life. During this exercise, old dreams of wanting to live in Colorado surfaced. It was also at this time that the Sacred Shortness of Life was brought to my attention. This encouraged me to take the leap and go for it. I said yes, surrendered to the Divine and let her lead the way. 

Photography

One of my deepest passions is Nature & Wildlife photography. I absolutely love it. It fulfills me on so many levels and is a form of deep meditation for me. Living in San Diego limited my access to Big Nature and I found myself taking lots of vacations to get "my photo groove" on. Colorado was a top consideration for my move as it would put me in the center of Wild, Rugged Nature. Living in Colorado these past 3 months has introduced me to a whole new range of bugs, birds, mammals, plants and trees to study, shoot and share with the world through my photography. 

Revitalization 

Having lived in San Diego most of my life (minus a few years as a teenager when I lived in Oklahoma), I was ready for a change. I was entrenched in habits, routines, relationships and energy patterns that no longer served my highest vibrational frequency. I was ready for big change and I knew that meant I had  to do something big. Moving to the other side of the mountains seemed to fit the bill. 

I enjoyed my first summer in Denver. You can see photos of it by following this link. I am excited about the change of seasons and getting some snow shots for my portfolio. Living through the seasons will put me into deeper communion with the divine cycles of nature, and also deepen my practice of authentic being. I give gratitude and thanks to the Divine for holding me during this transition. I am honored to be alive and to be a participant in this world community. 

When have you listened to the Call of Spirit and taken a leap? I would love to hear your stories of Surrender and Trust. Lets spread the word of Divine Grace throughout this blog by sharing our stories of True Alignment. 

Nameste.