SoulCollage Tarot: The Masculine Edge

Throughout Winter I created SoulCollage cards for the first 3 major arcana cards in a Tarot deck; The Fool, The Magician and The High Priestess. 

Most of the cards in my deck have female imagery on them, which is fitting since it's my personal deck. However, I wanted to bring more masculine energy into my deck, and into my life, so I focused on creating SoulCollage cards with male imagery on them. 

Creating cards for The Fool, Magician, and High Priestess with male imagery on them was a powerful process on many levels. As I explored these energies through art, I was able to better honor these forces in the men around me. Also, as I created these cards, I found myself cultivating more relationships with men in my life, which has been a super nice side effect of SoulCollage! 

Spring SoulCollage

With the activation of Spring upon us, I am resuming my SoulCollage journey through Tarot, picking up where I left off, and focusing on The Empress and The Emperor. These archetypal forces are core aspects of my vision for partnership. As I explore these energies throughout the season, through both male and female lenses, I will be able to more fully honor and cultivate these types of connections in my personal life...which will support me in creating my Lover cards for my deck...and hopefully bring this energy into my life as well! 

Here are some of the male themed SoulCollage cards I created for my SoulCollage deck this winter. I look forward to deepening this aspect of my prayer to continue cultivating my relationship with the Divine Masculine. 

The Fool: The Hero Starts out on the Journey 

The Magician: Has all the tools to engage with life.
Ability to work with the elements:

The Day After...

This blog entry was written the day after the 2016 US elections that Donald trump won the Presidency. 

I did it. 

After praying and crying most of the night. 

on very little sleep, I put in a full days work 

at both jobs. 

I talked with parents regarding their concerns 

about how to tell their children 

why and how the “mean bully” won presidency. 

I talked to people that voted for Trump. 

I heard the message, ‘

“I do not like his character, but I like his policies.”  

This makes me think of women 

marrying men who are assholes

but they are rich 

so they disregard content of character. 

I had several business meetings today 

during which no one talked about the subject matter, 

it was business as usual, 

but not really…

I showed up differently. 

I stood in my power more. 

I have to compromise less now. 

There is more opposition coming into the light. 

I must take advantage of my resources; 

my spirit 

my special super hero powers 

Now, 

more then ever.

This is what I have been training for. 

It is time for me to step 

more fully 

into this second adulthood 

I have been crafting. 

Bringing soul work 

more alive into how I live my life 

and how I bring the service of me 

into community mentorship 

and heart centered leadership. 

(all while being human 

and still on my own evolutionary journey

into wholeness) 

The essence of Trump

and the critical mass supporting him  

and his ideologies 

against people, the planet, compassion….

seems daunting.

       

However, I must stand up to it,

and stand up to myself as well. 

I must stare in the mirror

and see my own beauty, my own strength 

my own need to meet this ache 

of the universal soul 

as it screams on this 

evolution wave through humanity. 

I must mother this moment with compassion 

Father this now into accountability. 

and love it, in the ravishing 

and soul stirring way 

that I love. 

This is a call to action

I am answering.

New Moon Gratitude 2: Dance

Continuing to honor the sweet beginnings of Autumns first new moon. Tonight, I bow in deep gratitude for something very dear in my life...DANCE.

Dance has been a core aspect of my life. Dance is how I move feelings through my being. Dance is how I express soul and play with spirit. It is how I find myself, and how I let others find me.

When I was young, jazz class was therapy for me. It provided me with a safe place away from my parents to emote and process the energies of growing up in my household.

In high school I choreographed dance routines for flag teams and cheerleaders. In my twenties I taught ballroom and latin dance classes at Arthur Murray's dance studio (and was the first person to bring Hip Hop classes to the franchise)

4 years ago I moved to Denver and found myself welcomed into the ecstatic dance community of Rhythm Sanctuary. Being a part of this tribe 500+ people strong has been deep medicine for me. It not only supports my individual expression and evolution, it bridges connections between my heart and the hearts of others.

Dance is a powerful and primal language that unites communities, cultures and lovers. Dance shares prayer between bodies, bringing our species together in rhythmic and primal ways to explore and express the energies we all experience simply by being human.

Happiness, sadness, anger, hope, love, strength, fear...these are all emotions we share as humans. They are the waves of energy that ebb and flow through us as we travel the spiral of life and death. Dancing with self and others supports us in honoring and celebrating the collective in beautiful, integrative ways.

I am so grateful I have a body that can move, a soul that has deep longings, and a spirit full of fire. These elements within me find voice through dance and I am so grateful for this creative outlet in my life.

New Moon Gratitude 1: Body

Tonight is the first new Moon of Autumn 2014; a powerful time to set sacred intention for the upcoming season of harvest and release.

To honor passage from my Heart Chakra Summer into my Throat Chakra Autumn, I will be expressing (chakra 5) gratitude (chakra 4) each day during the waxing phase of this moon cycle. This is a great way to cross the bridge from my heart up into the expressive channel of my throat.

To initiate this process I start with the Root Chakra. I am thankful for my body. It is healthy. It is strong. It is durable. It is flexible.

I am thankful for the cells in my heart that have their own proactive rhythm that keeps me alive and active. I'm grateful for the white blood cells coursing through my veins that fight off infection and help me heal quickly.

I'm thankful to have my limbs, my organs, my senses and my flesh to protect and hug me to my core.

There are so many people in this world that have debilitating illnesses and minimized capabilities for movement. At some point I may be one of them. So right now, and as many moments as I can bring my attention to, I honor my body as an amazing vessel for spirit.

I am thankful my body evolved from sperm and egg, into an organism that can breath air, absorb nutrients and expel wastes. I am thankful for the strength of my muscles to propel me through this world, so that I can move towards things that bring me pleasure (and away from that which brings me pain).

What a gift, this flesh being I get to ride around in. Thank you body for all that you are, all that you support and all that you embody in this world. I bow to you and intend to treat you with deep respect, honoring the animal of your being through my fullest living.

Private SoulCollage Readings

Over the past several months I've been expanding the services I offer through E3 Alchemy. When I moved from San Diego to Denver, I took a break from teaching and focused on landing in my new home and creating community. Now that I am entering YEAR 5 of living in Denver, it is time for me to engage my passions, skills and soul purpose and stand more fully in what I want to do.

Many of you know me as the SoulCollage lady. I've been offering Intro classes and Creative Studio along the front range for the past 3 years and have grown a sweet little community here of SoulCollager's here. I have started offering private SoulCollage readings - amazing journeys that use Sacred Symbols as access points to your own wisdom. I love offering these adventures and would love to book one with you!

Since I am kicking this new service off, and getting the word out there, I am offering a sweet cost structure for this service throughout Summer. I do readings around Body, Mind, Spirit, the Medicine Wheel and the Chakras.

Knowledge of SoulCollage is not needed to participate. You will have access to many powerful imagery stations to work with in your private session. Those of you already creating SOulCollage, bring your cards to your reading and dive deeper into your creations.

Soul Work

SoulCollage creation by Raven Shree

Over the past year I’ve been deeply craving to live my Soul Work, and have this be the primary focal point of my life. The more I become attuned to my gifts, and my desire to be of service, I yearn to engage these forces on a more consistent basis. As I contemplate how to manifest my Soul Work, I have fears come up around not being able to make enough money to support myself living my dreams. 

Last night, in my pre Rhythm Sanctuary ritual, I pulled a series of tarot cards for guidance in this area. The images I pulled opened me up to a new way of seeing my desire. I saw how my vision of Soul Work has solely been tied into a revenue equation. I’ve been exploring the theme of Soul Work only through the lens of a career path. In realty, my Soul Work is something deeper and wider then a job. It’s something I am destined to live, every day, every moment, in every interaction, with self and other. 

On some level I knew this, however, it was only a mental understanding. My deepened embodiment of Soul Work made living my Soul Work unconditional. I do not need to wait to find the perfect job to do my Soul Work, living my life is the only foundation I need. 

This epiphany inspired me on the dance floor at Rhythm Sanctuary. Embodying conscious presence, I stood in the power of my gifts, and engaged them in every interaction I had. Each dance partnership I entered into was an act of service; holding space for other to be seen, felt and honored in their fullness, while at the same time, opening up to receive love, grace and the divine through other. 

I am honored to be a conduit for magic, and am excited to deepen to my commitment to living my Soul Work in all the moments of my life. And maybe, just maybe, by living my Soul Work as the foundational standard of my being, an amazing career will emerge that feeds my passion and supports abundant living in ways that are vibrant, aligned and amazing. 

So Be It. 

Dancing Tree Lessons

On my recent road trip through Utah, I connected with Tree, an old teacher, one I am remembering and reconnecting with. Click here to read mytho-poem I wrote as I apprenticed to Tree. 

I took this lesson from Tree into ceremony space 
and community Ecstatic Dance. Here is how the medicine flowed through...

I started out exploring my various purpi 

(is that plural for purpose?) 

I embodied the purpose of my roots 

and my animal purpose to live. 

I expanded into the bark of my being 

embodying my purpose 
of being support and shelter for others. 

I extended my arms up and out into the world 

baring fruit and blossoming outward. 

I explored and embodied the theme of absorbing; 

absorbing the vitality of my community, 

my dance partners, my breath, the vitality of others. 

I explored and embodied the theme of releasing;

and in this practice, 

came to see I defined releasing as something bad. 

I noticed that I had shame around having things that need released. 

I mean...shouldn’t I be more evolved by now?

My understanding of releasing transformed through this dance.  

I was able to better understand the ebb and flow

of giving and receiving

of absorbing and releasing. 

They are both necessary parts of the cycle

if I did not have anything to release, 

I would be dead. 

the exhale is just as necessary as the inhale! 

As I danced with others, 

I received their vitality, and my inhale. 
I also released anything that prevented me 

from being in the fullness of that moment and connection, 
and honored the exhale as part of this process. 

oh how I love releasing now! 

I bow in gratitude to the trees of our planet, 

the elders that provide shelter, food, 

wisdom, oxygen, inspiration, company

and entrance into deeper embodied experiences. 

Inner Child Healing

Yesterday I shared the SoulCollage card I pulled from the Direction of North in my final Medicine Wheel reading of Winter 2014. Today I share the card I pulled from the direction of East. As I step into Spring, calling in vital, passionate infused intimacy with the masculine, this card speaks beautifully to the new beginnings of how my inner child will engage in this process too.

SoulCollage Card and Poem by Raven Shree 
There are parts of my little girl calling to open 
calling to trust 
parts of me that were stunted from growing 
that are now ready to stand upon the welcome mat of life 
and say YES! 

I open the Feminine in me 
and reach out to the masculine 
knowing the same love of the divine 
beats in both our hearts.
I am a grown woman now 
and no longer fear the masculine's attempt to kill me, 
control me, consume me, annihilate me. 
That is in the past; that little girl is no longer in physical form
however she still has an energetic place in me - 
I reach out from this place and trust that man can love me.

I offer myself as joy and light 
knowing some stag out there would hop with joy to have me ride him 
There is man out there that wants to take care of me,
protect me, love me, and cherish me as the soft feminine being that I am.
I will allow this and cherish;
not as a broken little girl needing daddy, 
but as a woman with a little girl 
open to receiving and cherishing love and affection. 

2014 Begins

It's 2014!!!!  I'm excited about what the new year holds. So many threads in my life are lining up to come together this year, and I'm excited to see what new blossoms emerge this new year. 

2013 was intense. It ripped me open, laid me bare at the altar of death, and insisted on transformation. I guess that's what's needed for evolution to happen; old forms must die for new forms to emerge. 

In October I passed the one year milestone for legally changing my name. Releasing my complete birth name (first, middle and last) and claiming a new name has so many layers of transformation in it. It is not just a name change, it is a complete metamorphosis of being. 

So much of 2013 was about dying to my first adulthood, while at the same time, seeding so many aspects of the second adulthood birthing through me as I claim the archetypal power of my new name.   

As I moved through this dying / birthing process, all the aspects of my old life that used to fuel, nurture and distract me no longer had space in my world.  SoulCollage, photography, dancing, hiking, nature, teaching, journaling....all these activities fell away. I found myself sitting in the center of no-thing-ness with only me, God and the current breath of the moment. 

As I moved through this portal of transmutation, and slowly found my footing on my new foundation, I started to engage with my passions again, however, this time there was something different. I no longer wanted to do them alone (which was my old tendency). I now wanted to engage in art and nature with friends and loved ones. Having spent so much of my first adulthood enjoying solitude, I am finding that Raven Shree is a much more social animal. She craves intimacy, connection, union and community. What a wonderful understanding to take with me into the new year as I continue to flesh out this new being I am becoming. 

May 2014 bring you deep felt connections, with Yourself, 

with Loved Ones, with God, and with the Wild Divine Nature of your Soul. 

Ecstatic Dance in Portland

Here is one of the SoulCollage cards I created
that represents Rhythm Sanctuary Medicine for me.
I am so blessed to have the Denver Tribe in my life.
I have grown so much from this weekly dance.
 

Last night I went to an ecstatic dance event in Portland.  This event was going to be an important influx of information for me in my decision process about moving. I had quite a bit of anticipation and curiosity about what the evening would hold.

When I arrived at the location I found it interesting that the ballroom was above a restaurant and the building looked quite small. I was concerned there would only be 10 people there (I am used to about 150 people). I decided I was going to stay for the whole event, regardless of what happened. I wanted the full dose of experience.  

When I arrived, there was no welcome sign, directives where to put my shoes, or instructions not to talk on the dance floor. There wasn't even anybody there to collect the money, just a basket to drop your money in. Entering into the space was not welcoming, however, I knew I could create my own way into the experience, so I dropped my money in the basket and proceeded onto the small dance floor. 

The first thing that struck me when I entered was that there were no altars. I could feel there wasn’t a container for the dance, and that I was going to need to be extremely self-sufficient in creating something sacred. The next thing I noticed is that there was no DJ.  Music was played from a laptop and speakers, and it was not journey music. Wow! This was not going to be what I am used to. 

At Rhythm Sanctuary (my normal weekly Denver dance), the warm up period of the dance is the most powerful for me. I get a download of medicine and set my personal intention for the evening. I was hoping the warm up in Portland would provide me that type of space, however, that was not the case. I found myself agitated at all of the people talking on the dance floor (that is a big no no at RS). People talked throughout the warm up about mundane, ordinary things, and it got to the point that the hum of conversation was louder than the music! 

I started questioning whether I would stay for the dance. I could get this type of energy from a regular dance club. I wanted a medicine journey, a shamanic tribal trance dance. I was starting to realize that was not what I was going to get, however, I was already there, and had nothing else to do, so I recommitted to my intention to stay. 

After the warm-up, the facilitator brought the group into a circle to set intention for the evening. Although the welcome was not as colorful and evocative as what I am used to, I appreciated some form of unification in the group to transport us from the talking casual warm up into what ever was going to be next. 

And then dance began….with a song that had lyrics!  Oh my goodness! Is every twist and turn of this event going to trigger me? I can get pop music at a club, I want my journey music (which has a build up, a release and wind down - and no lyrics!) Once again, I asked myself, am I going to stay? Yes, I can do this. I worked at releasing my ideas, attachments, and preferences and simply strived to be in this moment...in all of the edges and frustrations this opportunity was presenting me. 

I looked around and everybody was dancing solo, there was no partner dancing, no contact improv. This is way outside of my comfort zone and I didn’t think I could make it through the whole dance without any flesh. I moved through the dance floor feeling in to the energetic vibrations of the dancers, feeling is there were any portals into contact. It felt as if everybody had barriers around them.

The music was slow, then fast, then slow, then lyrics, back and forth in a haphazard way. It made it difficult to get into a rhythm, with myself or those around me. I gave up my desire for a journey and simply strived to be in my body as much as I could be and make the best out of it. 

In my haphazard dance, I brushed up against a man, he lingered and that second gave me a moment to initiate something, and that led into partner contact improv, finally contact. It was a sweet soft connection, he lifted me several times and we got a little groove on. More people started partnering, and touching, and sounding and I found some relief. 

All in all, it was a challenging dance for me. The music did not support a deep dive, and the community as a whole was having a hard time diving in. I found myself sitting on the stage watching the 50 or 60 people on the dance floor, and tears started to flow. The thought of moving to Portland had been building up for me, however, I knew this could not be my medicine circle every week. It was simply not enough. Leaving Rhythm Sanctuary will be one of the hardest parts about leaving Denver. What we have there is splendid on so many levels, and this Portland dance is so amateur in comparison. 

The thought occurred to me that where ever I move, I may need to rise up and contribute more to the community and offer what I have as a resource to create the medicine space I am used to, and that so many souls are hungry for. What I have access to in Denver is fabulous, and it's improbable that I will find something of that quality right away where ever I move. I may have to invest time and effort into the foundation of where I move to cultivate it. 

When the dance was done we gathered in circle and some people shared from their dance. I was one of them. I shared commentary about my experience and also honored the beauty of  the ecstatic dance community. That I can travel someplace new and immediately have access to conscious community, and through the soulful language of dance, access something meaningful. Even though I had frustrations and attachments and a lot of stuff show up  for me, I am blessed I had space to land in when I arrived in Portland, to dance and experience my edges in community space. 

I was invited to hang out with several people from the dance afterwards at the restaurant downtown. We hung out for hours, having amazing conversations and connections. They made me feel welcome, and part of the tribe. They shared with me that Sunday morning is the best dance to go to, there are a couple hundred people and more partnering. On my next trip out here, I will schedule my time so I can attend that event and get a wider view of the dance community in Portland. 

Living the Question

SoulCollage card created by Raven Shree.
This is a card I created when I was contemplating
where I wanted to move, which ultimately lead me
from San Diego, CA to Denver, CO.

In my last blog I shared a little about some of the things I am learning from some physical things showing up in my body. “Living the Question” through this experience has been revolutionary, and is taking me into new realms of self discovery. 

As I moved through the pain and contemplation of death, one of the first questions I asked myself was “Do I want to Live?” I was not prepared for the space of silence to follow. I thought “Yes” would emerge spontaneously, however, that is not what happened. “No” didn’t come up either. So, there I was asking myself “Do I want to live?” and not having an answer. 

As I lived this question, I noticed myself putting my seat belt on, and looking both ways before crossing a street. Something inside of me was focused on living, however, this part of me seemed primal, and trained. I examined this reality deeper and came to see I’m doing these things less out of the fear of dying, and more out of the fear of pain. Physical pain, and I image emotional pain, are things I have a big aversion to. This fear is held in my somatic being and on some level prevents me from fully living. Its an oxymoron, I know. 

The next question I started asking myself was “What am I living for?” As I contemplated how I wanted to respond to the physicality of what was happening in my body, I thought it would be good to have something anchored in my consciousness to point me forward through the darkness. Once again, I found myself with no answer. I thought an answer would come up immediately, at least one thing I am living for. One thing that drives my heart towards passionate living. But nothing...I was coming up blank. 

I shared my experience with a few people; they attempted to give me responses. They want me to live. “You love nature” one said, yes, but I am not living for nature. “You love photography” one said, yes, but I am not living for it. These are things I’m doing while I am alive, they bring me joy, but they are not what I am living for. They are not my anchor points to get me through shadow, pain, or the possibility and reality of death. 

I continued to live the question “What am I living for?”, and it took me on a powerful journey of self discovery, perfect timing as I deepen my relationship to Raven Shree, and the new me that is emerging. My old persona, my old psyche, my old way of life no longer applies. Asking these basic fundamental questions was an important way of sinking into the new flesh of what is emerging in and through me. 

I lived this question for days and still no answer. As I settled into the silence, and stopped grasping and gripping for an answer, something started to emerge, a one word response that shocked me. I felt embarrassment for having this be my answer. Can this be what I am going to live for? It’s definitely not what drove my old person, in fact this one thing was something I ascribed to weakness and vulnerability. Yet, here I was getting clarity on what I am living for, and that is Love. 

Love as a full embodied presence in the moment, love for the wind, for evolution, for people, myself, animals, everything. Love. Wow. Ok. That is pretty fantabulous. I’ll hold on to that and live into this reality and see where it takes me. 

What questions are you living? What silence emerges as a response? And what truths filter up as new guideposts for your living? I welcome your comments and shares and would LOVE to hear from you. 

Grief Into Newness

SoulCollage card I created as I started to
come though the other side of Grief. 

I recently went through a deep embodied period of time exploring and experiencing Grief. Earlier this year I had some physical things show up in my body that stopped me in my tracks; putting me in the space of contemplating mortality and preparing for death. 

I saw the experience for what it was and stepped fully into it, permissioning myself to go all the way. I kneeled at the altar of mortality for weeks, sobbing deep levels of grief, vomiting for days from the core of my belly, releasing twisted knots of sorrow burrowed in the depths of me from lifetimes of evolution. 

I started making my will, getting rid of things, contemplating the after-life, the before-life, and the infinity of it all connected together. Then I went deeper, grieving for all the ways I’ve failed to bring divinity to life. Grieving for all the ways I’ve denounced God and failed to show up fully for the most important relationship in my life. I grieved for all the ways I’ve let myself down; fessing up and owning up to my role in it all. 

Going throughout this experience with Witness consciousness engaged,  seeing it and experiencing it at the same time, was extremely powerful. 

I slowly started to rise up from the depths of the underworld, realizing I wasn’t dead yet. As I prepared to die, I started to ask myself, how can I prepare to live? This was a turning point for me, the shift that started to bring Living back into awareness. I had been a consort to death for weeks, Life  now wanted some of me back. 

I began to take more ownership in my ability to heal myself.  I listened more fully to my inner authority and made choices from that propulsion. I enacted a ritual wedding in nature, uniting myself with my primary lovers; God, Self and The Moment (lovely threesome). I began making commitments to Life and started re-engaging the fundamentals of living. 

Card I created as I started to own

the power of the depths:

Water Dragon Energy.

I stand now in the deepening of this practice, holding the forces of life and death simultaneously. Letting this union, the yin and the yang, the light and the dark, strengthen me. Letting it bring power into my human body, into my human life. To expand courage into divine living, and permission  my yearning soul to live more authentically. 

This is what my Spring has been about. It has not been about hiking, photography or workshops. It has been about dying, and living, being present, and showing up for what shows up. It is in this cauldron of actualities and improbabilities, in the mixture of  imagination and intuition, that I step into New Moon ritual tonight. 

Tonight is the last New Moon of Spring. This is the moon cycle that will carry us into the Summer Solstice. Tonight I stand in the darkness of this pregnant void, letting the primordial ooze of my being birth something new in and through me. Growing this intention as the moon gains light each night, honoring the life I have and the authentic fullness that wants to be expressed through my living.  

This consciousness will carry me into Summer; the season of fire, sun and warrior energy. And so the next leg of my journey will commence. Not due to planning on my part, but due to the natural evolution of time and being. The seasons carry me though life and death, through the infinity of light and dark. I simply ride her back,  legs quivering as I hold on, hair flying through the cosmos, yelling Yippee. What a ride this is! 

Arrival

Mountain Range I drove alongside
on my way to Southern Colorado. I love the cloud
moving across the sky mirroring the snowy peaks. 

I arrived at my hotel in Alamosa. The man that checked me in was nice. No elevators, so I make several trips up the stairs with all my gear. After two trips, I am ready to settle in. I open my window and see that it opens to the inside courtyard of the hotel. This will not work. I need a window to the outside. I need to see the sun rise and set, and the moon wane this last moon cycle of winter. I am here to honor the season, and I need to see it! 

I request a new room. The man puts me in another room on the same floor so I don’t need to haul my gear down the stairs. The room is in the back of the hotel. I am the only one on this side. The room is not as nice as the other one, however, the window opens to the back alley, 
and that is more important to me. I take it. 

I start the process of moving my stuff from one room to the next. The man offers to help, however, I want and need the exercise; I make an adventure of it. Due to the hall structure of the hotel, I have to walk all the way around the hotel to move rooms. As I circumnavigate this new space that will be my home for the next 4 nights. I find myself calling in the directions of the medicine wheel. 

My first room was in the direction of south, which governs power, energy and Summer. My new room is in the north, the direction of Winter, the season I am here to honor. My new room anchors in the compass point of the season I am here to immerse myself in. Even the candy in the rooms is different. In my first room, they were white. In my new room, they are dark brown. The universe is amazing in how she lines up things.

I move my car closer to my room. To do so, I have to park at the back of the building where there is no one else. I appreciate the theme of this dark alleyway as an entry portal into my final winter ceremony. I step out of my car, look up, and see a huge shooting star fly across the cosmos. The universe lights up for me. A sign I am on the right path. 

I made a wish on the shooting star; I wished for love to enter all beings with every inhale. I take a deep breath myself, inhaling love for this exact moment, and officially welcome myself to my journey.   

I step into the ceremony of honoring winter and the lessons I moved through this season with the 2012 Shift. I move into the consciousness of wrapping up Winter and being prepared to step into the season of Spring from a more integrated and evolved standpoint. 

Global Warming & the Pine Beetle

In my Naturalist training with the Audubon Society we've been exploring the effects of increased CO2 (Carbon Dioxide) in our atmosphere, and how what is going on in Colorado effects the larger world.

The current increase of CO2 in our atmosphere comes largely from burning fossil fuels, such as combusting coal, driving cars and flying planes (basically participating in the western way of living we've created since the industrial revolution). This increase of CO2 is a leading cause of the global warming effects we are experiencing and leaving for our children and future generations. 

One of the models we explored was how the effects of the Colorado Pine Beetle ties into the larger ecological processes happening in the world. As many of you know, large amounts of pine trees are dying in Colorado due to the Pine Beetle. We have always had the Pine Beetle, but many of them would die off in the cold winters, which kept their effects contained. Due to global warming, winters in Colorado are not cold enough to kill the Pine Beetle, which has enabled them to proliferate at extreme rates, killing 80-90% of the pine trees in many Colorado counties. 

Trees are not only dying in Colorado, forests are dying all over the world, due to heat and water stress, deforestation and fire. As a result, more and more of the trees that take in and cleanse CO2 from our atmosphere are being reduced. CO2 has to go somewhere, and a lot of it is making it's way into our oceans, which in turn is making our oceans more acidic. Marine life forms the foundation of our food chain on so many levels. To turn our oceans into acid...well, that's just not a vital solution for the future if we want a healthy planet.  

Now back to the trees.... We have less snow falling, with less trees providing shade, which means the snow we do get melts faster, which means our drier summers are more intense, and with less water supplies fires becomes more destructive, which means more trees get destroyed, releasing more CO2 into the air... and the cycle continues and increases. 

Wowee...so much interconnectedness with what happens in one area of the world and how it affects everything else. The planet has gone through many shifts in it many billion of years; species have been wiped out due to many factors, and that may be a cycle we are moving into now. Those of you with children want a vital, alive and healthy place for your offspring to prosper. Those of us in love affairs with nature want the ecology of the planet to be healthy and vital, so animals can continue to rear their young and the oceans can continue to be clean waterways for life. So what can we do....?

First New Moon of 2013

SoulCollage card I created to honor
my New Year Intentions.

What a powerful moon cycle this has been! I remember the beginning of this cycle, the New Moon on Dec 13th, on the other side of The Shift, and setting my intentions for how I wanted to be present, receptive and authentic as I moved through the portal into the New Era. 

That buildup culminated in a beautiful celebration at Rhythm Sanctuary’s Winter Solstice event on Dec 20th, with amazing and profound insights activated. 

Then the moon became full on Dec 28. I celebrated this fullness with members of my community by “Spiraling through the Chakras” at an event I hosted at my home temple. Then, as the moon began to wane, I entered into a 6 day Death Lodge process, engaging in deep devotional work, honoring the shedding and release of the old. 

My first steps into the New Era were not bold and adventurous, they were tentative and hesitant. “How do I integrate my ideas and desires of transformation into an embodied reality?” 

This type of questioning supports my intention for this new year, which is to live the questions. My desire is not to define everything, but rather to live the questions:  “How can I love more fully today?” “How can I be more authentic in this now?” “How can I be a Clear Channel for the light?” Living these questions, and recommitting to them over and over again, and somewhere along the way, the answers will find their way into my soul, into my life, into my constant reality. 

And so here we are now, coming to the end of this powerful moon cycle, getting ready to enter back into the dark phase of the new moon, a time fertile with possibility. A great time to recommit to your soul intentions, to the new era you are birthing through how you live your life, internally and externally.  

What questions are you living? 

Cataclysmic Death

There are many theories around the 2012 Shift. I’ve been practicing and devoting myself to those aligned with the Winter Solstice birthing us into the Fifth Dimension; an era of time when we move from the state of individual and economic focus, to one based on community collaboration and sustainable living with the Earth. 

It may sound all nice and fluffy, with butterflies and rainbows, and yes, there is some of that along the way, however, this galactic activation portal has its hosts of portal poundings too. Releasing attachments and preoccupations with being comfortable are hard deaths for the ego to be transformed by. Death is explored in many cultures and Rites of Passage, such as Vision Quests and Death Lodges, the 2012 Shift simply takes it to a cosmic level. 

As I deepen my attunement with principles of the 2012 Shift, I find myself exploring the “darker side”. I watched a video on YouTube that talks about the Pole Shift and the cataclysmic events that humans will perish from as a result. This is not the vision I want to hold, however, as I watched the video, I felt charge in my body, and tears form in my eyes. Rather then judge the content of the video as good/bad, wrong/right, I wanted to work with what was coming up for me, and know something deeper. 

So, I started a “Cataclysmic Death Meditation Practice”. For several days I meditated on the apocalyptic visions of 2012. The tales of Revelation; tidal waves wiping out coastlines, volcanos erupting like Vesuvius, killing mankind and animals alike, covering us in ash and returning us to the Earth. In my meditations I saw my friends and loved ones on the West Coast drown in the tidal waves of the ocean. I felt sadness seeing the massive loss of people I love die. Seeing them perish and still hold love in my heart, and still be present in the Witness, without pulling away from sadness or clinging to salvation, was a big shift in my personal evolution. 

Going deeper with my meditations, I see the rockies turning into massive volcanoes, erupting lava and blazing boulders, wiping out all of Colorado, and with it, all the people I know and love. I see me standing in front of the lava flow, with my cat in my arms. I feel fear as the lava rushes towards me. I feel the pain of my cats claws in my skin. I feel the sadness that she and I are going to die. Feeling into all these sensations, and being being present in it all too. Even in my annihilation, as my bones turn to ash, I am present, conscious. In the expiernace of the now. Holey Moley. 

I’ve done Vision Quests and Death Lodges and have explored the theme of death on many levels. Never before have I contemplated death on such a large scale. My devotion to this practice has opened my heart so much, and I have more clarity in this continuous moment of eternity. 

What comes to me through this practice is the admittance and understanding that the Earth is going to take me out one day. That is fact. When and how, is unknown, but it will happen. So what I do between now and then? Years ago I may have said I would quit my job and travel the world in my last month of life, or maybe have some awesome sex, or spend time with loved ones. All these activities sound fine, however, now I know what I want to do between now and then, whenever then is. I want to be conscious; conscious in my body, in my feelings, in my ego, in my fears, in my heart, in my relationships, in my words, in my truth, in my thoughts, in my every experience of now. Whatever activities happen in that space are simply activities, consciousness is where life is. That is how I want to live my life between now and then. 

It’s this experience that I took out with me on the dance floor this week at Rhythm Sanctuary. What a dance! There was a moment on the dance floor, when we were all in trance, and I saw us all dancing at the base of the volcano; us in ecstatic dance and love as it prepared to destroy us. We were all conscious, and alive, and in the moment, no matter what. We were committed to being present for the ride, all of it. 

I had an amazing dance with a woman, who for me, was the erupting volcano. I pulled her to me and fucked the volcano. Those of you that know me, know I do not curse a lot, however, in this context it fits. I fucked the lava. I fucked the spewing rocks. I ravished my annihilation, and in doing so, I came alive. It was orgasmic!! 

We all need death in our life on some level. Death of old paradigms,  death of attachments and preoccupations. However, since many of us are afraid of the “big” death, we fail to attend to the smaller ones in our live that support us in truly living. How can you honor death in your life? What contemplations are scary for your ego, and how can you be present with that pain, and stay open in the conscious heart at the same time? Great exercise to explore as we move into the 1 month countdown towards Winter Solstice. I love you all and am honored to me on this glorious ride with you. Nameste. 

Corporate Name Change

SoulCollage card I created that
represents this aspect of my life.

Many of you are not aware that I work in corporate america. I have been at my "day job" as a Sales & Marketing manager at a software development company (FDS) for over 18 years. Following is the email I just sent the whole company about my name change....this was a big step for me. It will be interesting to see how my energy dynamics change in the work place as I bring more Raven Shree into this aspect of my life. 

Hello Everyone in FDS land,

Jenni  Holloway here in Denver, CO….but not for long.

No, I am not moving from Denver, however, I am changing my name.

Over the past 2 years of living in Colorado, I’ve deeply immersed myself in nature; going out almost every weekend; exploring and communing with the mountains, rivers, mammals, insects, skyscapes….it’s all so delicious. The deeper I dive into my eco-logical self, the more SoulFULL my personal journey of evolution takes me. This immersion into nature has taken me into a deepening sense of who I want to be, and has played a large role in my name change.  There are MANY stories and meanings I could share with you to highlight the hows and whys of my name change, but that would be a REALLY LONG EMAIL….so here is a summary.

Holloway: I have not been in relationship with my biological family for almost 25 years. I am no longer part of that clan and to continue claiming their name makes no soulfull sense. I have wanted to release this name for years….and now I am, legally. It feels wonderful.

Jenni:  This name has served me well for 40 years. I appreciate and honor all the friendships, experiences and lessons this identity has brought into my life. However, I have outgrown this moniker. It no longer fits who I am, or who I want to be.  Many of you have known me as Jenni for years, and calling me by a new name will be challenging at first (it surely was for me).  It will take time to switch, however at this point, the only people left in my life that call me “Jenni” are my relationships at FDS…so now it’s time to start changing that.  

Shree:  My new last name is Shree. In Sanskrit the word Shree means “the effervescent light of the Divine”.  Light, joy, inspiration, radiance; these are all aspects of my soul gift. By claiming this name, I am more fully stepping into a vibrant aspect of my being and what I am here to offer the world. By claiming this as my last name, I am claiming a new family; I now belong to the tribe of Lightworkers.  Powerful Stuff.

Raven: My new first name is Raven. It seemed so improbable at first. On the surface, I associated it with black hair and a goth look. However, I’ve been working with Raven Totem Medicine for over 5 years, and the deeper I go with it, the more I have come to understand that this is the new name to carry me forward.  Raven calls in magic and mystery, and is a powerful shapeshifter. Raven teaches me how to father myself and deepens my underworld journey of soul.  

So, yes, my new name is Raven Shree.  A powerful name that honors the dark and light, the yin and the yang. I love it!

I am in the process of changing my name legally. I’ve completed my FBI and CBI background checks and have a court appearance soon for final approval. Then I move on to changing my SSN and drivers license. Once that is in place, it will be time to change my name on FDS stuff, which will probably start happening in a couple months.

Changing ones complete name is an intense and amazing experience. Living the identity of Jenni Holloway served me well for almost 40 years. However, it is time for me to release the confines of my first adulthood, so I can step more fully into the second adulthood I am creating - one based more fully on authenticity and soul. This is a huge milestone in my life path and I am excited about what the future holds. Thanks for letting me share a piece of my story and life with you, and thanks for reading this email all the way through.

Starting tomorrow I will be on a week-long vacation celebrating the completion of my 40th year of life (another big milestone in my life).I will connect with you on the other side when I get back into the office on August 28^th.

Many blessings to each and every one of you!

Ms. Raven Shree