|Click this link to read the writing that emerged from me|
by the river bed as I meditated on this sculpture
In the summer of 2013, I went on a two week trip through the Pacific Northwest. Starting in Oregon and ending in Washington, with the intention of getting clarity on if I wanted to move to that region as my next home base. One of my dear friends joined me for a portion of the journey, and one night while camping along a river, we had a powerful experience with the dark side. The shadow force that came through the portal into this world attached itself to me and I got super sick.
My friend and I parted ways and I continued on with my trip, declining in health along the way. I found myself deep in the rainforest, by myself, with no cell phone service, feeling as if I was going to die. Honoring that it was my time, and wanting to make a ritual out of the process, I found my death lodge next to the Hoh River. Withering in pain, fear and loneliness for days, coming in and out of consciousness, I entered into deep relationship with myself, God, and the deep unknown we all reside in.
In my lucid moments, I found myself gathering rocks from the river bed and creating a rock sculpture. Each rock represented health and vitality in each of my chakras, and in a way, was a prayer for vitality. In this process I realized I did not want to die alone. Death is scary in and of itself, and having loved ones around to hold your hand and pray with you as you transition has so much loving presence in it. Yes, we all ultimately die alone, however, doing so in the witness space of loved ones has so much beauty in it.
Once the rock sculpture I created that represented me and healthy chakras was built, I found myself creating another rock sculpture. This one representing my ideal man, aligned in all his chakras, vibrating with vitality at all tiers of being. As I created this form, I knew that if I made it through this illness, that I did not want to continue living my life isolated and separated from relationship. Yes, we die alone, however, I did not want to live alone anymore. I was ready to open my heart and my life to intimacy and the embodied life force of love.
After three days next to the river, and not dying, this rock structure motivated me to crawl back to my car, find my way off the island, and back in to the world so I could live. This image has so much power for me and holds so many of my hopes, dreams and intentions. May I create powerful ways to birth this intention in the new year, finding powerful and embodied ways to love, live and be of service to the heart.