Ready For A New Name

SoulCollage Card I created around
my birth into the Holloway Family.

My name no longer fits. It is from another life time. 

It no longer captures the language of my soul. 

A little history about my name. 

My mother named me after her favorite doll, a sign of things to come. My middle name is after her best friend who died in a car wreck on the way to the hospital to see me when I was born. My last name is from my father, which carries its own weight. 

When I parted ways with my parents 20 years ago, my father told me I was dead to them. They were no longer my parents. I was no longer their daughter. They wanted me to change my last name. I considered it but that meant court costs and effort on my part, and my parents were not worth it. Instead, I dug my heels in and said “You had me, you live with it. I will be a Holloway until the day I die and will chisel it in stone forever”. Needless to say, this infused an increased charge into my name.  

Several years later, I found my biological grandmother. She and I formed a close relationship and I ended up being her caregiver for over 10 years. It was a challenging position to be in at times. Taking care of my mothers mother with no involvement on her part.  When my grandmother died 8 years ago I was the only one at her bedside. Holding her hand as she moved into the after world, and me, standing there alone in this one. I was sad when she died, however, a huge weight was lifted. Another energy cord to my mother was cut and I was finally free. 

Soon after her death, I received a letter from my biological sister. Through my grandmothers death she had found out about me. I was initially resistant to respond, that would just form another cord back to my mother. In the end, I did respond. We spoke several times over the course of a couple years and in that process realized all we had in common was our shared parents. I spent most of my twenties healing from my relationship with my parents and I was not interested in being in relationship with someone where that was all we could talk about. We ended up going our separate ways, however, I think we both got a lot of healing closure from our communication with one another. 

Fast Forward To Now. 

One of my friends asked me if I had contact with my biological siblings. I said no. After that conversation, I looked them up on Facebook and found them both. Their sites mentioned my brothers upcoming marriage and as I considered this event, I realized his soon to be wife will have my mother as her mother-in-law. I often hear crazy stories about “the in-laws”, and to think of my mother in that role is weird. My mother is also getting a new daughter, which makes me wonder how thoughts of me are surfacing.  

Facebook listed my biological sister as part of the wedding party. Sounds like the whole Holloway family will be there. I will not. I am not part of that clan. They are not my tribe. I am not a Holloway, yet I carry their name. It makes no sense. I was outed from that community decades ago. I have moved out into the world and created my own community of friends and loved ones. This has been my reality for many years, however, it took learning about this marriage to make me understand that it is time to release myself of their name. 

I am ready for the Divine to name me. To create a combination of sounds and syllables that captures the essence of my spirit and the grace of my soul. It may take months or years for my new name to form, however, I am listening. I feel as if I am being called into my Soul Initiation and in that process my naming ceremony will occur.

I am excited. I am open and  am curious as to what my new name will be.